


when he wasn't quick enough

by iseemikimouse



Series: The Friend [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Internal Thoughts, he wants to talk, hyunjin doesn't want to be a bother, i think, please, someone talk to him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 19:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19382848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iseemikimouse/pseuds/iseemikimouse
Summary: Hyunjin is feeling things and he wants to talk but there's no one to listen to him. Does he keep bottling it in or force someone to listen to him?





	when he wasn't quick enough

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to story two.
> 
> my mind tells me that i should be concerned on how fast i was able to write this but when do i ever listen to my mind (the real question is when don't i listen to it). i kinda (a little) like how this story came out. i think there's something missing but no matter how many times i read it, i can't seem to find what it is. oh well, i suppose. but anyways, for new readers, if you would like, please read the first part of this series. the stories can be stand alone but there will be references to the previous stories. 
> 
> oh! you'll need these: 
> 
> Roo: Felix  
> Kanga: Chan  
> Hewhomustnotbenamed: Changbin  
> Rabbit: Seungmin  
> No!: Jeongin  
> Poohbear: Woojin  
> Kisshim!: Minho  
> Tigger: Jisung  
> Jinnie: Hyunjin
> 
> so with that being said, i hope all of you have a wonderful day and if it's not, remember to take a step back and breath. doing that always helps. i promise. 
> 
> enjoy~

The next day when Hyunjin sees Felix, the younger man smiles at him talking back to Changbin, quietly. Changbin, who sat up when Hyunjin sat across from him, gives Hyunjin a dull stare and slamming his head back on the table, a loud groan passing through his lips. Chan laughs from somewhere behind the group sitting at the table, but Hyunjin doesn’t turn around. Instead, he keeps his head down, his mind no longer filled with ideas of different magical creatures but with the worries of today. 

He should talk to Felix about the day before, but the mellow side of his mind tells him the past should stay in the past. So he smiles back to Felix even though the other doesn’t see and thinks of today’s worries. His professors have been grinding on all of the art classes he’s taking, most if not all of them demanding the students to work harder and faster with their works. 

The amount of stress Hyunjin feels is enough to drain him for the next few weeks, but with midterms approaching, he’s trying not to collapse under the weight of work. He wants to talk to someone to get everything off his chest, but the one person he usually talks to is hungover and currently groaning on how he’ll never drink again. 

But there’s someone else he can turn to. 

Seungmin.

At the thought of maybe finally talking to someone about his worries and to maybe reassure him that everything is going to be okay, he looks around trying to spot his small redheaded friend. He’s nowhere to be seen, but then again, when Hyunjin looks at his phone, Seungmin is still in class.

Maybe he should meet Seungmin before Jeongin comes slamming in and demanding attention. 

Yeah, he’ll do that. 

With a small wave and a dramatic goodbye (Felix is being stupid in seeing that Hyunjin is leaving, yelling into Changbin’s ear about how his precious Jinnie is leaving him and Hyunjin don’t leave me! The loud smack that comes after has everyone laughing way too hard.) he leaves the table in search for the other. 

At school, he doesn’t let his mind wander, silently scared of gaining the attention of the wrong people. You would think he’d be in high school with the number of bullies and older students who like to pick on people. They stalk the courtyards like vultures hovering over a dead carcass, waiting for the perfect time to eat their fill. He avoids those areas like the plague, taking a more scenic detour with trees and very few people. Not too far from where he’s walking towards, he can see one of the more significant trees with its bright green leaves. Colorful streamers hang from it, the rainbow paper fluttering in the wind. 

A smile reaches his face as he turns away and continues into the building to his right, one of the music buildings. It’s a standard three-story structure with beige walls and windows to let light in, but when the door opens, it’s like another world. Voices sounding like heaven and melted chocolate come together, bringing smiles to those who happen to open the glass doors. Vocal students stand in the hallways either singing along or having small sing-offs to prove different points. 

The smile on Hyunjin’s face is enough for a couple of different students to wave at him, some like Doyoung and Seoho wave him down to talk. He shakes his head and continues on his way, maneuvering through the small throng of people at the base of the stairs where a couple of students decide to have a sing-off (is that Choi San and Na Jaemin?).

He doesn’t give them another look when he passes the group and climbs the stairs to the top of the building where Seungmin’s class is. It’s quieter up here, very few students using these hallways to practice their vocals. He’s not surprised, however, when a smooth female voice carries down the hall, the melody so sweet and heartbreaking that Hyunjin has to take a moment to collect himself from the emotion. 

When he begins to move again, he looks for a familiar number before standing outside of the classroom. He hopes it’s the right one because now he’s standing here, not wanting to move. Leaning against the wall, he chooses not to pull out his phone and opts to stare at the wall on the opposite side of the hall. He doesn’t think of anything, his mind a little too dazed to actually hold pictures and a quiet conversation with himself. 

He’s so lost in the quietness of his mind that when the door to the classroom is thrown open, a yelp falls from his lips. Some people turn to him, and he gives them a small smile, taking a couple of deep breaths as he calms his rapid beating heart. 

Seungmin comes out after a couple of minutes, his face looking down at his phone as his fingers fly across the screen. He’s ambling as not to walk into anyone. A mischievous smile stretches on Hyunjin’s face when he watches Seungmin get closer.  He waits a couple of seconds before bolting from his spot and wrapping his arms around the smaller’s waist.  

“Seungminnie!” Hyunjin says, a bright smile on his face just as a loud yelp passes through Seungmin’s lips. 

He pulls away with annoyance in his eyes, but the moment they land on Hyunjin, the annoyance turns into a fond look. Hyunjin makes grabby hands to which Seungmin chuckles and walks back into the taller’s embrace. 

“What are you doing here, Hyunjin?” Seungmin greets with a mouth full of a yellow paint stained shirt.

This time Hyunjin is the one to pull away. He fiddles with his fingers for a moment before looking up and forcing out a small smile. The ugly side of his mind still telling him that he’s bothering Seungmin and to deal with his own problems by himself.

But no. He wants to talk to someone. He wants to get everything off his chest.  

“I wanted to talk,” he says finally. He looks into Seungmin’s eyes, which are surprised. “But not here. It’s important?” 

Seungmin watches him for a moment before nodding and grabbing Hyunjin’s hand. The action grounds him, forcing to repeat over and over again that this is Seungmin. Seungmin is going to listen to you. Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin. 

He releases a shaky breath when he gets pulled down the stairs, the sing-off long gone, out the building, and towards the tree with the rainbow streamers. Seungmin forces Hyunjin to sit down first before he crawls into Hyunjin’s embrace and waits for him to start talking. 

Not surprised in the slightest, Hyunjin wraps his arms around Seungmin and places his head on Seungmin’s shoulder. He counts to five a couple of times, trying to formulate the right words to say. He calm, though, taking his time and enjoying the feeling of comfort Seungmin is giving him. 

It’s always been like this, whenever Hyunjin wants to talk about something. He’d pick at the little hairs on his legs if his hands weren’t occupied. He remembers the look of horror on Seungmin’s face the first time they talked, Hyunjin’s pale legs an angry red from all the hair pulling. He was the one who came up with sitting in between Hyunjin’s legs to stops him from hurting himself.

Seungmin begins to play with Hyunjin’s fingers as he gently pushes against Hyunjin’s chest. “Jinnie?” 

Hyunjin opens his mouth, and a small sound comes out only to be cut off by a loud screech and a body slamming into the both of them. The force of the slam causes Hyunjin to whack his head against the tree, a pained whimper leaving his lips. He blinks a couple of times and winces at the sudden influx of pain behind his head. 

Someone laughs as another screech comes from the body awkwardly in Seungmin’s arms. Seungmin lets go of Hyunjin’s hands to push the person off only to be met with another shriek. 

“Save me!” Jeongin screams. “Minho hyung is attacking me.” 

Hyunjin looks up to see Minho standing not a few feet away from the three of them, his head thrown back into laughter. The painter rubs the back of his head, the pain beginning to subdue when the light hits Minho just right. Hyunjin drops his hand, downright staring at his hyung because oh dear gods, the image of the older is perfect. 

He feels his mind slipping into the space it does when he typically gets an idea, but he shoves the emotion away. Now is not the time. 

The pressure against his chest lightens, and Hyunjin knows his moment with Seungmin is over. There’s no way he’s going to be able to talk to the other with Jeongin stealing Seungmin’s attention, and for the quickest moment, Hyunjin wants Jeongin to leave. He was the first one to come to Hyunjin, and Jeongin just _ruined_ it. 

But as quick as it came, it’s gone. The shame and guilt are overwhelming as he clasps his hands together and bites the corner of his lips. He closes his eyes because how dare he think of something like that. Jeongin didn’t ruin anything, he just came at the wrong time. It’s okay, Hyunjin. You’re okay, he mumbles quietly to himself. 

When he opens his eyes, he can’t help the fond look on his face as Seungmin and Jeongin wrestle in the grass. The conversation Hyunjin and Seungmin were about to have long gone to which Hyunjin supposes he can try again. 

But as time continues on, there’s never another chance to talk to Seungmin or Felix or really anyone else for that matter. Classes and exams forcibly place themselves in between any time Hyunjin gathers the courage to speak. 

His mind begins to tell him to give up and keep everything bottled inside. It’s a bad idea, Hyunjin knows this, but with the way everything continues to work out, there’s just no way or time to talk. 

With a sigh, he downs the water in front of him, along with the pills he has to take for his headache. Since the day Jeongin jumped on him and Seungmin, he’s been taking some pain medication and had a doctor’s appointment a couple of days ago. He wanted someone to go with him, but every time he called or tried to bring it up, someone else came into the conversation or the person was pulled away to a class. 

It’s _normal_ , they’re _college students_ , so they’re _busy_ , but it’s beginning to be too much. 

He slumps against the counter, his eyes drawn to the canvas sitting in the middle of his living room. The painting is of a sunflower in a blue background, and while it should be a lovely painting, Hyunjin finds it to be one of the most disgusting things he’s drawn in a long time. The shading isn’t right and the yellow looks too bright. One of the petals look larger than some of the other, and it’s just not up to par with what Hyunjin believes this painting should be. 

And to make matters worse, this painting is for a grade in a class he’s taking with Jisung. He knows the other is counting on him to make a nice drawing, but everything just has been too much lately, too hard for him to keep up. 

He looks away from the painting to stare at a single point of his counter. He tries to focus his mind somewhere, but the presence of the picture is massive. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, but all he sees are ugly shades of yellow and horrendous patches of blue. He wants to pull his hair out and burn the strands, but if he wants to keep his apartment to himself, then he can’t do something like that. 

He just wants to be able to breathe correctly. 

Hyunjin’s eyes land on his apartment keys when an idea comes to mind. He’s already taken his medicine and maybe taking a walk will help clear his mind. Yeah, he’ll do that. 

Grabbing his keys and his phone, he’s gone from his apartment in less than a couple of minutes. He locks the door and sighs happily when a soft breeze touches his skin. The night is warm enough where he doesn’t need a sweater but cool enough to not feel too hot. There’s not a single cloud in the sky, little stars twinkling in the night sky. He looks up and wonders what the stars really look like before he’s putting his head down again and walking away from his apartment building. 

With his hands in his pockets and a small smile on his face, Hyunjin walks with light steps which grow heavier with every passing moment. His thoughts begin to eat away, picking at the slightest thing he’s been doing wrong. He wants to shove them away and pretend it’s nothing, but every quiet word gets louder and louder until they’re almost screaming in his head.

But as quick as the words become louder, there also quick enough to silence themselves. Just like the day he was waiting for Seungmin outside of his classroom, his mind becomes empty and devoid of any words and whispers. 

Hyunjin can breathe for a moment. 

He looks around and takes in his surroundings, finding himself in a place he doesn’t recognize. He momentarily panics because just how long was he in his head for and why is he always there when he’s by himself?  

He continues to walk down the street, a couple of lights flickering on and off. It’s a little nerve-wracking to say the least, but there’s an entrance to a park a couple steps away. He turns in, and he’s immediately mind blown at the sight. 

The first thing he sees is a cobbled walkway large enough to fit his friends in a single line. Lit old style lamps stand every few feet, illuminating the path.  Rails line the sidewalk, the metal twisting in different designs. Trees and flower beds are everywhere creating the perfect space for one to clear their mind and just to breathe for a few moments. He spots benches throughout the park to which the first one he sees is the first one he places himself on. 

He takes a couple of deep breaths before looking around and seeing the area he’s in. It’s calming to him, being outside and away from the area he’s generally in. He closes his eyes for a few moments before opening them again and pulling out his phone. He finds the ringer has been off the entire time, but he doesn’t really mind it, but over five hundred messages are coming from the group chat he’s in. 

> **11:23 pm | KIM KAAA PLEASE HAVE MY BABIES (09)**
> 
> Roo: WE TOTTALLY SHOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT. HYUNG FUCKING PLEASE. 
> 
> Hewhomustnotbenamed: totally* 
> 
> Kanga: Language
> 
> Roo: i do what i want hyung
> 
> Roo: you know this
> 
> Kanga: Yes and at this point I shouldn’t care but I do. 
> 
> Roo: hyuuuuuuuuuuuuung
> 
> Hewhomustnotbenamed: the two of you agrue like a married couple
> 
> Hewhomustnotbenamed: argue*
> 
> Roo: maybe we are married binnie binnie changbinnie
> 
> Hewhomustnotbenamed: fuck you.
> 
> Hewhomustnotbenamed: i hate that name
> 
> Rabbit: you actually love it
> 
> No!: don’t you hyung? 
> 
> Hewhomustnotbenamed: i hate all of you.
> 
> Poohbear: hey now.
> 
> Kisshim!: do you really changbinnie?
> 
> Hewhomustnotbenamed: fuck off
> 
> Hewhomustnotbenamed: all of you
> 
> Tigger: can you guys, PLEASE stop BLOWING UP MY PHONE. I’M TRYING TO FINISH MY WORK. 
> 
> Poohbear: then finish
> 
> Tigger: KIM WOOJIN.
> 
> Poohbear: hyung 
> 
> Poohbear: im your hyung you fucking brat

Hyunjin laughs as he continues to read the antics of his friends, Jisung yelling at Woojin for being a disrespectful hyung to Jeongin complaining to Seungmin about Minho who is grabbing and smothering him once again. 

Something doesn’t sit right with Hyunjin, but he ignores the feeling.

> **11:50 pm | KIM KAAA PLEASE HAVE MY BABIES (09)**
> 
> Jinnie: y’all are ridiculous 
> 
> No!: HYUNJIN HYUNG MAKE THEM STOP! 
> 
> Jinnie: let them shower you with love, innie. that’s all they want to do.
> 
> No!: BUT I DON’T WANT THEIR LOVE. DO YOU SEE MINHO HYUNG? HE’S TRYING TO SHOWER ME IN KISSES AND I ADJSFHADUADFHABF
> 
> Kisshim!: bitch, you love my kisses
> 
> Tigger: did you kill innie hyung!?
> 
> Kisshim!: no. i just showered him with love
> 
> No!: I DON’T WANT YOUR LOVE YOU HEATHEN. 
> 
> Jinnie: well if you don’t want Minho hyung’s love, then who’s love do you want?
> 
> No!: I WANT ADJFAKDGHFIUADBJVJD
> 
> No!: he’s not going to answer that hwang hyunjin. you should know better than that~
> 
> Jinnie: aye minnie hyung, give jeongin his phone back
> 
> Roo: yeah! we need to shower him with so much love that it hurts!
> 
> Kanga: all of you are a mess
> 
> Rabbit: i thought you knew this channie hyung
> 
> Rabbit: we've been a mess since the day we were born
> 
> Rabbit: or did you forget?

Hyunjin chuckles and looks up. There’s no one around, and the silence feels slightly suffocating, but he supposes it’ll do. He’ll be okay anyway. 

Right? He thinks to himself before closing his eyes. I’ll be fine.

He doesn’t know how much time passes sitting there on the bench as the next thing he knows, someone is poking at his cheek. He blinks a couple of times and sees large brown eyes staring right at him. A little girl no more than five smiles at before backing away, her pigtails slapping against her face. 

“Why are you sleeping out here, ajusshi?” she asks. 

Sleeping? 

Wait what?

He looks to the girl and notices he can see her correctly. He sees how she stands, rocking on her heels, waiting for him to answer. Her dress is a light purple, the colors mixing in with the rising sun. She smiles at him when Hyunjin gives her a small one, her two front teeth missing. 

“Uh,” Hyunjin says, standing up quickly. “I don’t know.” 

He looks around and just about panics because he’s never been in this type of situation before. He’s never just accidentally fell asleep out in public like he just did. What if something happened to him while he was sleeping out in the open like that? For all he knows, he could have been kidnapped or a serial killer’s next victim. 

He feels the panic beginning to creep, but he smiles at the girl once more before he bolts out of the park and all the way back to his apartment. His hands are shaking when he tries to open the front door because holy shit.

How could he have done something so _stupid_? How could he have fallen asleep like that? He must have been even more tired than he thought. 

He finally calms down after a couple of seconds because he’s okay, everything is fine. He’s fine.

But still. 

His phone is dead and wonders who might be blowing up his phone. Padding across his living room (he can finally look at the painting of the sunflower because now he sees it’s an okay one. It’s not his best work, he knows, but they’ll pass.) he plugs in his phone and waits for it to turn back on. When it does, his phone goes crazy with notifications from the night before. He reads through them all and gets to the end of the messages when he pauses. 

No one had noticed his sudden quietness in the chat. 

It shouldn’t have been a big thing to him, but he just slept in the park, and he’s tried and slightly cranky. He wants someone to notice that he hadn’t talked since the night before. 

He shakes his head. That’s not the right thing to think. 

_Don’t be selfish. Everyone has their own things going on, Hwang Hyunjin,_ he tells himself _. It’s okay if they don’t notice you weren’t there. They’re your friends, not your babysitters. You’re being ridiculous, again._

Hyunjin opens a new message to Seungmin and decides that much like the feelings he’s keeping bottled up, he’ll keep this to himself, but the night of sleeping outside should be something to talk about. He doesn’t want the same thing to happen again.  

> **7:45 am |K9SSSSSSSSSSSSS (02)**
> 
> Jinnie: KIM SEUNGMIN YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

He closes his phone and goes to shower, washing away all the disgustingness of sleeping out in the park. By the time he comes back, he’s forgotten that he texted Seungmin about his sleeping adventure.

He doesn’t look at his phone until close to ten at night when he remembers what he sent. So when he opens his phone, he’s expecting a bunch of angry messages from Seungmin as he didn’t answer again, but there’s nothing. Not even anything from the group chat. 

_He’s busy Hyunjin! Of course, he’s not going to answer!_

Hyunjin locks his phone and turns off all his lights, heading to bed. 

It’s been a long day.

**Author's Note:**

> twt: @iseemikimouse
> 
> cc: @iseemikimouse


End file.
